What do you fear losing when it comes to receiving what you desire?

Recently I was journaling on what it would take for me to align with a current desire I have around having my own home. I was getting into the vibe and feeling this new space, the qualities, what it would bring to my life etc.

I then got into the question, why don’t I want it?

Often we don’t go here.

We think there can’t be any reason we don’t want this thing whatever it might be, but this is often where the most vibrational mis-alignment is (I have found anyway). At first the things that came up for me were more responsibility, more bills, would I be totally isolated and feel even more lonely than I have this past year. What does this actually mean in my life. I spent some time looking into these things and then re-writing them, so that I can begin to align more fully with this.

I felt there was something more in here, and so asking for guidance, what began to emerge was the fear of loss.

This was a big ‘aha’ moment for me, and something that has affected me on multiple levels throughout my life. Basically, the trauma of losing my mum at a young age is still playing out and I fear losing things that matter to me so it’s easier or ‘safer’ not to have them, than to go all in and have what I truly desire. Of course you don’t have to have experienced the loss of a parent to relate to this – we all create memories, stories and connections based our perception of reality and what happens in our lives.

I also realised I feared losing friendships and my freedom if I got my own home – as I would be separate from people and tied down, and ironically these are two reasons I want my own home. Our minds really can come up with some crazy things!

If this resonates with you and there is something you are calling into your life right now, perhaps you too could look at what you fear will happen if you do get it, as well as what other stories might be playing out underneath as to why you don’t actually want what you think you do.

Photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash